Some Party Pics!

The first year!

Well, Silas is officially one!  What a year it has been.

Lets recap!!!

The biggest challenge of year one?  

The sleep issues in combination with the crying.

-Crying while going out in public in the first three months, I could rarely go anywhere without an outburst (he was not a baby that slept in the stroller, carseat, baby carrier...)  There was the whole "witching hour" thing too... I don't remember a night we sat down for dinner with out him wailing.  Looking back I sometimes wonder if he had a little colic as well... we never tried anything for gas, gripe water, etc.  which may have helped.
-The first three months of sleeping were I would say somewhat typical, but they put the fear of SIDS in you so hard that when Silas FINALLY fell asleep, all I want to do is watch him just to make sure he is breathing. Sleep when baby sleeps?  Yeah right.  He was a very restless sleeper those first months as well which did not help (always grunting and straining in his sleep).  And then when he did sleep for a long time without waking up, I would think something was wrong, so I would want to check on him, which may or may not wake him up....  its a vicious cycle.
-After the newborn stage, the inconsistent nightly sleeping patterns no matter what we would try or how much of a routine we would stick to (one night he would sleep well, the next night he would wake up at 1AM, the next night 4AM, sometimes both... sometimes he would fall asleep after feeding, sometimes he wouldn't... I think we hit every stage of "sleep regression").  There was the whole "stomach sleeping" issue too.  We are doing okay now, but it took about 9 months to even get close to sleeping through the night, which I know is not too crazy.... but the scream crying.....
-Oh, the scream crying. When he did wake at night and could not settle back down (usually months 6-9) , he would scream cry, like bloody-murder-sounds-like-hes-being-tortured scream cry.  Which, makes you think something is wrong, but you go in there and pick him just to make sure he is not in pain, and then he settles down and smiles.  He is like the boy who cried wolf --- not sure if he is just having separation anxiety, or is seriously injured/not feeling well.  Which leads to....
-That whole lack of communication... the only language babies have most of their first year is crying, they cry when they are hungry, need a change, are sleepy, hurt themselves, want something they can't have...  But sometimes they cry and you have no clue why and you wish so bad they could just tell you.  Is it gas? Are you bored?  Ear infection? Does something itch?  Are you lonely?  Are you constipated? Are you teething? WHAT?!?  And of course, I am always thinking about the worst possible scenario...STRESS!
(And not so much a challenge all the time, but this kid is CRAZY active.... always wiggled out of his sleep sack, couldn't hold him for more than 30 seconds, kicking and squirming before he could crawl (I have a video of him when he was maybe 3 or 4 months in his rock n play kicking so much, he kicked his socks off) and once he could crawl/creep that boy was always on the move.... all this making for a very strong one year old.

The biggest joy?  

Just watching this adorable little human you created grow and develop so much in a short time.

You go from saying "Wow!  He rolled over!" to "Wow!  He finally learned how to go down the stairs by himself!"  It is insane!  And of course there are the smiles, the giggles, the cuddling, the first "mama"... all that warm and fuzzy stuff :)

It is so crazy to think that 2 years ago this person didn't exist, and now they are here, and have all these tiny parts that work together and have personality, and character!  Holy cow.  And you just want to eat him up.  I know I am obviously biased, but we made a really cute baby... like, I will be the first to admit I think many babies can be pretty ugly, and I was willing to acknowledge if he was, but what can I say?  ;)

Also, he may not have been the best sleeper, BUT he is a pretty darn good baby when he is not fighting sleep.  He has his moments (and there was that irrational fear of Papa for the longest time...), but when he is out and about he is usually pretty content.  I had a hard time even realizing this myself because I felt like I kept dwelling on how he is so out of control, but people would say it all the time "He is such a good baby!". Oh really?  ....you should be with him at 3 in the morning when he is screaming his brains out. :)

And all the other stuff....

Breastfeeding was a challenge at first... very painful, I didn't know how much he was getting, and he didn't gain enough weight right away.  It eventually got better, and worked out fine, but Silas never really loved nursing.  He was easily distracted, didn't get too excited about it, and never nursed for very long (at least not towards the end).  I breastfed for 9 months, and that was just fine with me and I think that was right for him too.  He just wasn't that into it anymore and since we had been supplementing small amounts of formula since the beginning, he was already used to that.  I also never felt that "bond" that some mothers talk about while nursing.... in fact, I felt more of a bond giving a bottle because I could look into his eyes and kiss his forehead and just all in all give him more snuggles :)  I am all for breastfeeding though, and will do it again for sure.

Cloth diapering has worked out well, and we know we are saving a ton.  We started to use disposables at bedtime when he started sleeping through the night because the cloth just doesn't protect quite as well for long periods.  We will also us those disposables if we are day traveling or if I know I am going to be gone for more than a few hours.  But for at home during the day the cloth is fine.  And you just get used to cleaning them (trust me it does get really gross though- especially with messy poops... I have gotten poop on my hands numerous times).  

Silas did not like baby carriers as a newbie - he would cry and try to wriggle his way every time I tried.  But I did only try a handful of times, and I think I probably should have not given up as soon as I did.  I use them once in awhile now and he seems to like them more.  We have the Moby and the Lillebaby.  I am not crazy about the Moby just because it is so much fabric, but for around the house it is tolerable.  The Lillebaby is great (goes on kind of like a backpack and can be worn multiple ways) - good for traveling, the beach, etc.)  Next time around I would like to try a sling.

Postpartum healing was kind of a bitch for me.  I was in pain on and off for over three months after Silas was born (which didn't help anything during the newborn stage).  Being my first child, I had no idea if what I was experiencing was normal or not.  I did have a bad tear so I figured it may just take longer to heal.  But after the pain got worse, and MANY frustrating doctors appointments, it was finally discovered I had something call "granulation tissue" that needed to be removed.  It has something to do with over-healing, I believe.  But as soon as I had the procedure to remove it (which I was put under for) I felt SO much better!  The pain was gone immediately so that was definitely the cause.  I wish there was more information on this on the internet because I researched for awhile and could not really find anything about this.  The doctors didn't even know right away because they couldn't really see anything and at one point thought I just had a blood blister?  SO glad it got resolved though!

We have learned so much this year, and no matter how much you think you are prepared or ready for a baby, you don't really know until you have one and experience it... especially since all babies are different. Jordan and I both knew having children would be challenging (and of course life-changing), but I was kind of hoping I would be pleasantly surprised once Silas was born, like he would be an easy baby.  Not the case, and everything LITTLE thing (something as little as having a super-difficult car seat buckle) just makes everything that much harder.  I can't remember who said it, but was a famous mom out there who explained that you will never love anyone more than your children, but there is also no one who will make you angrier... there were times when I got VERY frustrated with Silas (and I know it is only the beginning).  You have certain expectations about EVERYTHING going in and once it happens, all those expectations go out the window. I now know what things I may do differently with pregnancy number 2 and baby number 2 (if there is one), but you never know what will happen!